He Has Planned It before You Know…..

I don’t know how to start, though there are a lot of things that I wanna talk about, but indeed I feel my skills of English writing are not better than before. I have nothing to do on my desk. Perhaps it’s just excuse to blame many cases caused me like this. I had a dream that I would take master of philosophy someday. I had a dream I would give lecture to my students in university. I had a dream going overseas, or majoring in English or in philosophy there before. But it decreased slowly since I got married. Then I supposed that it would be removed soon in marriage. Before I got married him I have worked in a school trying to step a new career as a teacher, but somehow I just felt that however the utmost dream and career that a woman has, she has to follow her husband wherever he goes, I certainly wanted to get a job. Suddenly I felt disappointed thinking that I was no longer availing for a woman’s dignity as a pride. I was no longer making money and was being looked down I felt by some people behind my husband. Then working as a mother looking after babies that hindered me from things I really appreciated my life before. I was desperately bored with these kinda circumstances. Why as I was climbing up each step, I fell down two steps even more. I was trying to pursue strength each day since I was a little girl.

Once there was a Life in the Spirit Seminar that my friend invited me, It was like a retreat and seminar, that was all I knew before. They might be talking about how to do the right. I was thinking that this was just a crap, but I still joined I was thinking there was something gonna blow my mind or I would even criticize them. When I was attending the first and the second meeting of ‘the Life in the Spirit Seminar’, it gave me a bunch thought in my mind. Specifically, I noted down from both meeting that Jesus loves me since I was child through mother, father, brothers, friends and now through my husband. Whatever my husband is, God always gives His loves through him. When we would be there in the third meeting, I was so upset with my digestive system before I was going to the seminar. We finally came late though we were reluctant to show up and there we were to attend the seminar. I listened to the speaker telling about her broken family that was almost similar with my background reminded me to the lost link in the past.

It was hard to remember about the past but I just thought that there was a lot of burden I piled up. But I had to reveal them up towards God, I don’t know how to continue this while my heart’s supposed to bury the memory of my childhood with no mother even let me drown on what she said that I didn’t belong to her, I then mingled by shimmering world for reaction of refusing myself, or perhaps finding a relish that also mocked me down to the sin, trying to find the truth who I am. Till I’d promised to omit the past and began with my own endurance to strive between poverty, resentment, lost identity, that led to the ignoring of God, accused of anything He gave, pretended that no one care about myself except I myself. I ought to stand on myself. Oh I’m fed up with this kinda’ circumstances that are trying to snatch my heart into the gloom, to scratch deeply till I’m dying of mercy. Don’t know whose mercy….but the other part inside of me saying better get drunk and those will vanish with their own way but…Don’t!!!

Hence, the Life in the Spirit Seminar in church has stepped me up to the difference stance of this life, revealing another forgotten part of this world that I’d ever been running it before. Eventually, I knew that He really loves me, I believed that turning point was God has been working in me. He’s been digging my past & revealing it gradually became new revelation to what I live for, what is the purpose I live. Since that time I knew that God doesn’t promise to remove all struggles, and God had designed our life uniquely, as the bridge to carry us to joy. Sometimes what looks miserable at first glance is the fruit of God’s most exquisite gift……so I lift up a pray onto Him ”God I belongs to you, just work on me according to your plan”

As recited in Psalm 23:

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever

I always remember even through the deep valley of life, that God is always be there with me, trying to pull me out of the valley through everyone around us. Eventually, my heart could be able to reconcile with the past…..and I realized that he has planned our life wonderfully before we know…..for His glory….and for us…..

Jakarta, 14 February 2006

The Lord is my Good Shepherd

The Lord is my Good Shepherd (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


4 thoughts on “He Has Planned It before You Know…..

  1. Thanks a lot for the amazing comment and the files, I like it..:) think I’ve been thru those 3 phases, that was because I was Christian but needed to proof it before I knew Him. I was pre modern believer when I was young thankfully raised by my father who obeyed God’s commands. However, the family matter got me crazy in asking about God’s presence.
    Since then I became the modern believer, was being defiant and alone. I kept asking why some of the things in life happened to me, and betrayed God, believing that God was absent, He didn’t exist.
    It was long process to convert to Him. Ultimately, I am back to pre-modern believer, but somewhat different in point of view, that people have their own freedom whether they choose to believe and follow His commands or not. People who follow His commands and believe in Him of course will please Him so He will keep them safe, while on the other hand, people who don’t believe in Him don’t please Him, so the natural law will take place on them. Now I believe that whatever He wants us to do we should follow that I am trying to do what His commands, such a beautiful verse I quoted here:

    John 11:25-26 “Those who love their own life will lose it, those who hate their own life in this world will keep it for life eternal”. As an answer for the surrender to God no matter what – I found good quotation : “Whoever wants to serve must follow me…” continued in 2 Corinthians 8: 11 “He will make you rich enough to be generous at all times….” and
    Again in 2 Corinthian 8: 6 “Remember that the person who plants few seeds will have a small crop; the one who plants many seeds will have a large crop”

    Then 2 Corinthians 8: 13 “And because of the proof which this service of yours brings, many will give glory to God for your loyalty to the gospel of Christ, which you profess, and for your generosity in sharing with them and anyone else”

    “Let us thank God for His priceless gift”.
    In my Humble Opinion, we are human being who have brain from God to think, so we need to seek who He is, to proof our faith. Even though we went wrong, but He’s still pulling us out onto His path so we shall not want…


  2. Dear Pat,

    It’s very touched reading your story. Keep on sharing His work on you and always remember we are His beloved children. 🙂 Walk with the King! Miss you guys Irene in bkk.


  3. Hi Irine! I m’glad to hear your supporting comment and I really like it! Yes you’re right, we are His beloved children…:) Thanks for visiting, wish you all the best in everything you do. Big hugs for you and fam!


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