Told to the light 2

Stained glass at St John the Baptist's Anglica...

Stained glass at St John the Baptist’s Anglican Church http://www.stjohnsashfield.org.au, Ashfield, New South Wales. Illustrates Jesus’ description of himself “I am the Good Shepherd” (from the Gospel of John, chapter 10, verse 11). This version of the image shows the detail of his face. The memorial window is also captioned: “To the Glory of God and in Loving Memory of William Wright. Died 6th November, 1932. Aged 70 Yrs.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Hi Jesus..

 

Dunno what to say

 

I feel no power

 

If I remember the days I’ve passed through

 

Not realized that you were near

 

Something’s making me change

 

Dunno what kinda feeling this is

Missing the light of you

 

Remember my childhood dreaming

 

With you I touched the sky

 

You brought me flying within the clouds

 

No more fears inside

 

Against all powers in this world

 

You hugged me such in paradise

 

Dreaming in your dwelling

 

Felt safe in your embrace

 

God bring me up once again!

 

Till I feel ready

 

Touching the grayish of the ground

 

Meet many people and things you’re offering

 

Empower me….defeat all my fears

 

not mine

 

But yours…….

 

 

 

KL, June 12, 2007

 

 

 

Told to the Light 1

(Just An Ordinary Man)

In this silent, I try to talk to You, in every kind of moment never stop I’m thinking about You, to write anything about You. In my doubt like this, just wanna know how I can justify myself as Your good disciple. Should I be like St. Paul? John? Matthew? or any worshipers in church. How can I measure how deep my love is towards You God? Should I cry when I’m praying, while in my pray I don’t know what to say, sometimes I just feel like a habit, except in extreme condition. Only in the silent like this I can write a message to You like prayer as long as I could do, so You can hear me Lord. Obviously, I’m a beginner such scholars said or whether I just do it if I want it, while the rests are all mine. What I’m thinking might be true. My friend told me “Just beg Him”, Yes, I beg You God, but I don’t hear your answer or perhaps you lead me to do something that I don’t realize. All I do now is just do what I wanna do. It could be from You, as I learned to old friend that You lead each heart to do what You want if he appeals.

Yes maybe that’s true. Now I do what my heart says. Hopefully He hears me. I wanna be Your witness, try to do goodness my best, reflecting your deeds, to love and to be gentle to everyone but I’m not a perfect man. I can hurt some people unconsciously. I’m just ordinary man inadequate, even to see Your face I might not….my Majesty. I’m just a humble man who is trying to reach You though only Your feet. But surely, who am I to evaluate my self as your good disciple? Or do You have any grade to appraise me?

It’s me God I elevate my heart to You, no matter what I am, a sinner, a stubborn man, or anything else upon You, coz in your presence, no mask, no hypocrisy over me and You know all of mine. Please accept me whoever I am Thee. Let Your hands touch the ordinary man such me and drive me thoroughly. Let Your power work in me

Hear No Evil (Lord EP)

Hear No Evil (Lord EP) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

, so I cannot doubt myself to be Yours but all Yours…..

KL, June 16, 2007

Tomorrow

(To: the love of my soul)

Do you remember when we were good friend? Do you remember when you caught me up?

To the old vendor we went, enjoyed the meal, Sat down on a rug, stared up the blue nite sky.

All we have done it together, like I have known you so long. Shared of what the life we lived for…laughing, weeping, loosing fear and loving…But you were not mine…

Do you remember when I gave you picture on your birthday? When the chapel welcomed us as he knew tomorrows…

When you gave me rose on your coming..But your eyes were thinking of someone else…

Time was going by as long as hoping…You were lost……faded away and crumbled my kindled dream……

Never did I stop finding. Number of people we’ve met, number of people we’ve lost

Such searching on someone like you I always did, and I did…between losing I prayed if we were meant to be together, nothing would separate us

And here… tomorrow has finally met us in a holy vow

Now everything is clear..We don’t use the veil anymore….We’re no longer saying as if we know nothing

Don’t you know I felt safe and glad with you…Looking on the leak roof…couldn’t sleep that nite

Baling out water from our 6 square feet rented shelter…Walking on the street with haze and jam

Holding up to upper bar with dozens of people in the bus..Never stopped you intended making me coffee in the morning,

Laughing as we forgot the past…joking as we used to do..Letting through those unpleasant days

And you were still the same…like I knew before..

But now….you’ve removed doubt of mine…

Jakarta, December 2006

 

 

 

 

Staring

Staring (Photo credit: driek)

 

 

Midsummer Dream

(Remembrance of a partner, the one and only)

To close to you was desire on my sleep

To be with you was a boundless wish I lifted up

Coz long hours we never had

You met me just a glance, yet this overflowing heart withered

Nor eased the absence that we were not be together

Running over exhaustion burden on shoulders

To submerge our mind into fatigue ness of rush hours

What a lively endless glimmer of hope to embrace you in mine

Time would never end to feel your heartbeat

It was all what I’d been dreaming before seeing you

In painful yearning awaiting for your presence all days here…

KL,  January 2005

English: "Midsummer Nights Dream Act IV S...

English: “Midsummer Nights Dream Act IV Scene I–A wood – Titiania Titania, queen of the fairies, Bottom, fairies attending & etc.” engraving Français : Le Songe d’une nuit d’été Acte IV Scène I — La clairière – Titania (reine des fées), Bottom, les fées présentes & etc. gravure (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Pass It On…

Once, if you know God’s love you really want to pass it on. You will feel His love like the wind blows a heat, like the rain waters a dry land, like the dew drops every morning. That’s how God will renew our day , rejuvenate our heart as we took a rest the night before and talked to God before we slept. God awakes us every morning. He gives us strength to face every single thing happen in everyday. Looking up His verses and greeting Him always make us ready to run our day. Even though we went wrong that day, God will whisper”everything’s gonna be alright, nothing wrong to start it again”. As we say sorry to God  . Thank God! You’re kind  more than everyone I’ve known. As I’m dwelling on Your presence, You make me calm, safe and sound, knowing what to do.

I pray for people who are feeling guilty of things they’ve done. May God graciously grants them love and mercy. I also pray for myself that writing about You is not merely intended for pride. By telling the world about Your wondrous goodness, You let me grow according to my process. You softly whisper in my heart too how to face people around me and encounter problems, though I must really listen through Your words. Let me help to be Your witness with all my humbly gifts from You that doesn’t hurt people through my words and deeds, so Your name will be praised  forever in heaven and earth. Amen.

KL, 13 August 2013

Mother Teresa and Dr. Johannes Maas

Mother Teresa and Dr. Johannes Maas (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

He Has Planned It before You Know…..

I don’t know how to start, though there are a lot of things that I wanna talk about, but indeed I feel my skills of English writing are not better than before. I have nothing to do on my desk. Perhaps it’s just excuse to blame many cases caused me like this. I had a dream that I would take master of philosophy someday. I had a dream I would give lecture to my students in university. I had a dream going overseas, or majoring in English or in philosophy there before. But it decreased slowly since I got married. Then I supposed that it would be removed soon in marriage. Before I got married him I have worked in a school trying to step a new career as a teacher, but somehow I just felt that however the utmost dream and career that a woman has, she has to follow her husband wherever he goes, I certainly wanted to get a job. Suddenly I felt disappointed thinking that I was no longer availing for a woman’s dignity as a pride. I was no longer making money and was being looked down I felt by some people behind my husband. Then working as a mother looking after babies that hindered me from things I really appreciated my life before. I was desperately bored with these kinda circumstances. Why as I was climbing up each step, I fell down two steps even more. I was trying to pursue strength each day since I was a little girl.

Once there was a Life in the Spirit Seminar that my friend invited me, It was like a retreat and seminar, that was all I knew before. They might be talking about how to do the right. I was thinking that this was just a crap, but I still joined I was thinking there was something gonna blow my mind or I would even criticize them. When I was attending the first and the second meeting of ‘the Life in the Spirit Seminar’, it gave me a bunch thought in my mind. Specifically, I noted down from both meeting that Jesus loves me since I was child through mother, father, brothers, friends and now through my husband. Whatever my husband is, God always gives His loves through him. When we would be there in the third meeting, I was so upset with my digestive system before I was going to the seminar. We finally came late though we were reluctant to show up and there we were to attend the seminar. I listened to the speaker telling about her broken family that was almost similar with my background reminded me to the lost link in the past.

It was hard to remember about the past but I just thought that there was a lot of burden I piled up. But I had to reveal them up towards God, I don’t know how to continue this while my heart’s supposed to bury the memory of my childhood with no mother even let me drown on what she said that I didn’t belong to her, I then mingled by shimmering world for reaction of refusing myself, or perhaps finding a relish that also mocked me down to the sin, trying to find the truth who I am. Till I’d promised to omit the past and began with my own endurance to strive between poverty, resentment, lost identity, that led to the ignoring of God, accused of anything He gave, pretended that no one care about myself except I myself. I ought to stand on myself. Oh I’m fed up with this kinda’ circumstances that are trying to snatch my heart into the gloom, to scratch deeply till I’m dying of mercy. Don’t know whose mercy….but the other part inside of me saying better get drunk and those will vanish with their own way but…Don’t!!!

Hence, the Life in the Spirit Seminar in church has stepped me up to the difference stance of this life, revealing another forgotten part of this world that I’d ever been running it before. Eventually, I knew that He really loves me, I believed that turning point was God has been working in me. He’s been digging my past & revealing it gradually became new revelation to what I live for, what is the purpose I live. Since that time I knew that God doesn’t promise to remove all struggles, and God had designed our life uniquely, as the bridge to carry us to joy. Sometimes what looks miserable at first glance is the fruit of God’s most exquisite gift……so I lift up a pray onto Him ”God I belongs to you, just work on me according to your plan”

As recited in Psalm 23:

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever

I always remember even through the deep valley of life, that God is always be there with me, trying to pull me out of the valley through everyone around us. Eventually, my heart could be able to reconcile with the past…..and I realized that he has planned our life wonderfully before we know…..for His glory….and for us…..

Jakarta, 14 February 2006

The Lord is my Good Shepherd

The Lord is my Good Shepherd (Photo credit: Wikipedia)